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Winter Camping Tips

 submitted by David Peery

Camping Hints* (It's Never Too Early To Make Plans to Camp.)

When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will
keep the campsites on either side vacant.

Get even with the bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite
stump apart and eating all the ants.

A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot
enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.

The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges.
Steer clear of those named for landfills.

While the Swiss Army knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy
Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a
tiny canoe paddle.

Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay
dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze and cough, however, have been
proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.

Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter.
Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.

You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north
side of your compass.

You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a
plastic garbage bag with several geese.

The canoe paddle, a simple device used to propel a boat, should never be
confused with a gnu paddle, a similar device used by Tibetan
veterinarians.

Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping:
Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear,
do not go into the woods alone.

A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.

A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A
potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey
puck.

In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting
small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your
underwear.

The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent
kindling.

The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The
sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.

It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding
mountain road behind a large motor home.

Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country.
The tricky part is getting them on the bears.